What a roller coaster of a week!

First, work has been crazy! Despite being a busier than normal week, we threw in a termination of a manager and an unexpected promotion for another one. Both are great decisions for the business. The whole environment already feels different.

On top of all that, I got an approval to keep my assistant, then it was unapproved, and now it’s approved again. So I’ve spent parts of the last few days wondering if it’s time to look for a new job. So frustrating and distracting! At the end of the day, I’m not ready to leave, so no need to job hunt just yet.

Normally I’m completely able to keep work and home stress apart. That has been challenging this week though. I swear, my kid doesn’t realize the power of her words.

A couple days ago before work we were talking about upcoming school events and games. I rarely miss any of her stuff. She is the one reason I would cut out of work, even on a really busy day. I take vacation days to travel for tournaments and camps. I spend a lot of money making sure she has an opportunity to do all the things she wants to do.

But she told me I’m “pretty absent.” I was totally heartbroken. She doesn’t see all the things I do, so for her, it’s like I’m not there at all. How do I fix that? In a few months she’ll graduate. No more games, no more marching band. Her dad (my husband) chooses to miss things all the time, but I’m the one who’s absent.

I started this journey because I recognized I haven’t been taking care of myself for a long time. Right now I feel like I’ve messed up for 17 years, but at someone else’s expense. So if I messed up for her and I messed up for me, what the hell have I been doing this whole time?